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And touch is especially important – “women are affectionate by nature” – but throwing your arm around her prematurely will probably scupper your chances.
“You need to create a comfortable space between you before you start escalating the sexual dynamic with touch,” warns Peimer.
They don’t have to present themselves very often, so they lose confidence when they do have to,” says Peimer.
“My partner Josh (a property developer) and I started reading books and watching DVDs, but the only way to really learn is to practise, so we flew in Adam Lyons (British relationship coach and pick-up artist) to come and mentor us for four days.” As we chat, it becomes clear that while they might be good at the genteel art of conversation, the pick-up artist’s “game plan” is akin to a battle strategy, and his language unapologetically follows suit. “This is not about getting women into bed, it’s about enabling you to meet and attract them. He says “unarmed” guys make faux pas with clichéd openings like, “Haven’t I seen you here before?
“We call this the ‘inner game’, looking at why there might be a fear of rejection, what rejection is, how you feel about yourself.
It’s important to know your ‘inner game’ before learning your ‘outer game’, which is about bringing out your strengths and concealing weaknesses,” he says.
Charisma is a skill you can learn, say South Africa’s trio of ‘pick-up artists’, men who’ve learnt how to win women over. Ryan Peimer, 27, Darren Lurie, 28, and Josh Margolis, 24, started PUA SA just over two years ago, and have been imparting their experience as lady-killers ever since.
There’s even a Pick Up Artist World Summit, which was held in Los Angeles in January. A lot, it turns out, thanks to three guys who started up Pick-Up Artist South Africa (PUA SA) and have already run nine well-attended “boot camps” for men aged 18 to 40, across the racial spectrum.